It's not just me, it's sideways

I was also thinking about how it's just kind of the nature of guys that makes me so nervous. Every boyfriend I've ever had has gotten wasted and hit on my friends right in front of me, and hard. Not just flirting, but hitting on so that I can see the uncomfortable look on the friend's face. Once, I even watched as my drunken boyfriend made out with my best friend. Right in front of me. When I brought it up later, after he'd sobered up, he actually got mad at me that I was nagging him and picking fights. Half of past boyfriends/guys I was seeing have cheated on me or at least lied to me about dating other people simultaneously. And so many times (about 3 times this last week alone), I've felt intense pressure from guys who, granted they were out of control drunk, I am friends with their girls. Zach told me once that every guy is both of the guys from Sideways, and I hate that. And every time some friend of mine gets drunk and starts hitting on me hard, half the time his girlfriend is sitting next to me, I think back to him telling me that, and how it makes my stomach sour and makes me so intensely insecure about relationships on the whole. No matter how much I'm told I'm loved and adored, I know that when judgment is impaired, the best decisions aren't made. And attention is craved and sought hard. And as innocent as that is, I'm a girl and movies and romantic novels and Disney teaches girls that somewhere out there, there's a prince who will go to the ends of the earth and fight the evil witch and slay the dragon to win my love. And I'm conditioned to think that someone willing to go through all that would want the attention of some other girl. But when a guy gets drunk and hits on a girl that's not his girlfriend, it sort of makes the whole love and relationship thing seem impossible and hopeless.

And if it's not Princess Bride kind of forever one and only love, then why invest in it?

I could never be a polygamist. Being ok with sister-wives means you're just deluding yourself.