Poop in a cup
So now that things are fully out of control, my doctor is making me poop in a cup for 3 days. As if I don't have enough stressing me out. The GAD is pretty high level right now and I'm feeling like a panic attack is due at any moment. Dr. Landes said there's probably no direct correlation between the anxiety problems to the gastro problems, but that symptoms can be worsened with heightened stress. So from the store to the living situation to the drama between all my friends, I just feel so exhausted and want to curl in a ball somewhere and hide until it all goes aways. Especially the gastro problems.
Kate and Matt are back and they're moving in with Jesse. Not the best idea, but it's happening. And I get to hear all the gossip and I really don't want any part of it. Some of my closest friends are being shattered and smeared and I refuse be involved. I don't know what's true and what's not, but either way, friends of mine are being careless and someone is going to end up really hurt and I can't be around it at all. It stresses me out so badly.
The store closes one month from yesterday. There's still so much to clear out and to get rid of, so much planning to do. I just wish everything could get settled now so that I don't have to worry about figuring things out last minute. Not that I can't handle that, but I'd rather avoid it if at all possible. It's terrifying to think I'm going to be unemployed on purpose. To think that I'm going to go on unemployment and ask to borrow money from a bank and possibly put myself into hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt on what right now feels like a whim. But it's a chance I have to take. I have to find out if I can do it.
Things with Flynn have gotten no better. She's farther away than ever before and our friendship feels like an acquaintanceship. I've spoken up so many times about it I don't have any words left to say about it. And I keep hearing how she's so busy and just has too much going on, but I can't help but feel like it's still just us that's left neglected. That she still has time for other friends and just chooses to let our friendship fall to the wayside. I can't make her be my friend and I don't know what else to try.
Kate and Matt are back and they're moving in with Jesse. Not the best idea, but it's happening. And I get to hear all the gossip and I really don't want any part of it. Some of my closest friends are being shattered and smeared and I refuse be involved. I don't know what's true and what's not, but either way, friends of mine are being careless and someone is going to end up really hurt and I can't be around it at all. It stresses me out so badly.
The store closes one month from yesterday. There's still so much to clear out and to get rid of, so much planning to do. I just wish everything could get settled now so that I don't have to worry about figuring things out last minute. Not that I can't handle that, but I'd rather avoid it if at all possible. It's terrifying to think I'm going to be unemployed on purpose. To think that I'm going to go on unemployment and ask to borrow money from a bank and possibly put myself into hundreds of thousands of dollars of debt on what right now feels like a whim. But it's a chance I have to take. I have to find out if I can do it.
Things with Flynn have gotten no better. She's farther away than ever before and our friendship feels like an acquaintanceship. I've spoken up so many times about it I don't have any words left to say about it. And I keep hearing how she's so busy and just has too much going on, but I can't help but feel like it's still just us that's left neglected. That she still has time for other friends and just chooses to let our friendship fall to the wayside. I can't make her be my friend and I don't know what else to try.
posted by tiny hearted girl at 7:42 PM
2 Comments:
It's not really a whim. In a way, everything you've done in your life has lead you to this point. And while you are young, energetic, and really have nothing to loose, give it all you got. Why not right? It's better knowing than not trying.
Hang in there.
-boyfriend
Amazingly, I too just wrote a blog entry on poop in a cup. Who knew it was such a popular thing?
Thanks for throwing your thoughts out into the mighty internet.
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