Dear Friends

Here's what I've said to them already, as gently as possible, but I wish I could say to them in a more frying-pan-over-the-head kind of way. I'm writing it down here just to get it out.

Dear Devon and Liz,

Just stop. Both of you. Stop and grow up and let it go and move on. The rest of us can't take the drama and we will not be forced to take sides. We love you both differently and you need to stop creating conflict in what could be a really fun and supportive group. Devon, joking around about stealing Joel way back when made Liz uncomfortable. So apologize for misjudging her sense of humor and stepping over the line with things like the pancake whipped cream messages and other comments. We know you made them totally in jest, but they hurt Liz’s feelings so you should apologize for that. Stop being so self righteous and stubborn and admit that maybe you shouldn't have said those things and say you're sorry and then let it go. Liz, stop being so insecure. Devon isn't really out to get your boyfriend- she was only joking. Devon wants to be your friend and thought that as friends, she could joke around and you would understand that she meant no actual harm. Stop jumping on her every time you start to feel insecure. Devon really isn't your enemy, so please say you're sorry for taking out your insecurities on her and then let it go. Both of you- stop being so judgmental of each other. Stop acting like catty girls. Start loving each other as friends.

Please. As I've said, we love you both and want to be able to have fun with you, but this has been going on for a while now and has escalated to the point where you're not talking to each other at all and instead complaining about each other to the rest of us on the sidelines. If you guys can't get it together, the rest of us are going to have to act accordingly (i.e. we'll probably all move to Costa Rica) and then you'll both end up feeling worse, I can pretty much guarantee it.

Love you. Mean it. Now get it together.