It's Been A While

Friendships are strange creatures. The way people come in and out of our lives, the way you can grow together or apart at such lightening speeds without even noticing any kind of shifts until the friendships have transformed so completely that you don't even recognize them anymore. Some of the shifts and changes I can look back on and see that they were my doing, but some I am so overwhelmed by, I don't know how to handle.

In the end, it all just brings back all those feelings that landed me in New York in the first place. I'm really bad at relationships and dealing with people- and not just negative situations either, I often can't handle positive, close relationships either- so I end up shutting down and running from them. Not to say I'm socially awkward or anything- I make new friends easily and get along with basically everyone. It's when the emotions start to run deeper that I choke. It's when there's more invested and I can see that my own actions effect other people's feelings or when I take so much stock in the other person that my own feelings are effected by them. I don't like for people I care about to be upset, and some how I take the things that people I care about say and do very personally. It's ironic that these overwhelming feelings are starting to boil up right when my therapist decides to fire me, isn't it? I think I might choke on my own tongue soon.

I know where this anxiety is coming from, but do I have the courage and strength to follow through with how Dr. G told me to deal with it?

My suggested reading list from him:
The Art of Happiness, the Dalai Lama
Reinventing Your Life, Jeffrey Young