May All Your Days Be Gold My Child
Sarah got into NYU for her Education Masters- I'm very excited for her. She's not so excited. She was so set on moving back to California, and if she goes to school here, she feels she's trapped here for another 3-4 years. I told her it's not like she has to finish at NYU. Maybe she can transfer if she really hates it? But maybe NY will be a totally different (and more enjoyable) experience for her. She's not sure what to do about John- she keeps thinking that if she didn't have the stress of her job, maybe she would be more into the relationship. I'm happy that she's finally going to get out of corporate retail. I'm happy that she's finally doing something that makes her feel like she's growing and moving toward "starting her life", as she keeps putting it.
All of this is, of course, making me wonder when I'll "start my life". And what life do I want to start? I'm stressing out about it all again. I'll start this FIT class in May. Hopefully, I'll really learn something and gain some inspiration and motivation. I need to start actually scheduling time to make things. Like, in my calendar. Because when I don't, I never get around to doing it. I hate being a schedule person, but I think until I get back in the habit of doing it, this is what it's going to take.
In other aspects of life, I go through cycles when it comes to boys. And the transition is so drastic and jarring. Lately, I want a boy to like me that I like back. I want someone to spend time with who looks at me in that way. Who wants to hold my hand. Who is fun to be around. Not that I necessarily need it- I'm not incomplete without it. But I'm craving that again. Sometimes, the idea of dedicating any of my time to a boy just seems so unappealing and aggravating. And being in a relationship seems so ridiculous. And like a complete hassle. But then I'll have these moments where I just want that feeling of being cared about. I don't know. Maybe it's just hormones.
I've been listening to lots of sparklehorse again lately...
keep all your crows away
hold skinny wolves at bay
in silver piles of smiles
may all your days be gold my child
All of this is, of course, making me wonder when I'll "start my life". And what life do I want to start? I'm stressing out about it all again. I'll start this FIT class in May. Hopefully, I'll really learn something and gain some inspiration and motivation. I need to start actually scheduling time to make things. Like, in my calendar. Because when I don't, I never get around to doing it. I hate being a schedule person, but I think until I get back in the habit of doing it, this is what it's going to take.
In other aspects of life, I go through cycles when it comes to boys. And the transition is so drastic and jarring. Lately, I want a boy to like me that I like back. I want someone to spend time with who looks at me in that way. Who wants to hold my hand. Who is fun to be around. Not that I necessarily need it- I'm not incomplete without it. But I'm craving that again. Sometimes, the idea of dedicating any of my time to a boy just seems so unappealing and aggravating. And being in a relationship seems so ridiculous. And like a complete hassle. But then I'll have these moments where I just want that feeling of being cared about. I don't know. Maybe it's just hormones.
I've been listening to lots of sparklehorse again lately...
keep all your crows away
hold skinny wolves at bay
in silver piles of smiles
may all your days be gold my child
posted by tiny hearted girl at 9:26 AM
1 Comments:
i'm going through a "start my life" kind of day. in terms of work. maybe i should get a masters in something. now if i can only figure out what i want to be....
-cb
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