I've got a mouth full of cookies
There's seems to be this theme lately. Or maybe it's more like a common trend. I feel like even the most amazingly humble, generous, and down to earth people are getting stung with the wicked narcissism bug. And it's really bumming me out.
Now I know narcissism isn't interchangeable with selfishness, but they are correlated in a way. I'm all about being selfish. I believe that yes, you may have supportive people in your life and the world isn't such a cut throat place, but ultimately, it is all up to you. You have to do what's best for you, because no one else will always put you first. But there's a limit to this being selfish dogma that I believe in. If it will directly hurt or in any way negatively impact or affect someone else, is it really the best thing to do? Or if making the smallest sacrifice every once in while would give someone else some kind of great joy, isn't it worth putting someone else ahead for once? Why not make that sacrifice? So recently, I've noticed that so many people in my life have gotten to where they value other people based on what they can do for them. How they can improve their image or status or how they can get them ahead. This is the phoney and superficial attitude I fled from when I left California. NY was supposed to be better than that. Where people like people because they're interesting, not because they will help increase their popularity or help bulk their myspace friends list with pretty faces and impressive network groups.
And it makes me wonder what kind of empty existence that leads to. There's a few people in my life that I've come to realize are like this and I wonder if they have any real friends. Any substantial relationships. People must transition through their lives quicker than the turnover rate at McDonalds.
And of course it seems to me like a vicious cycle. They learn that people leave and start to believe more and more that they can only rely on themselves and become detached and careless of others. And others come to see them as selfish assholes who only care about themselves and don't stick around.
It's weird too. I have recently stopped feeling let down by people. Or at least have started to feel it less. Or rather, I've come to realize that it's inevitable and most people in your life will only let you down because we expect things of them that are unfair. And you can only feel let by someone when they don't meet your expectations, and so I just have to stop expecting things from other people. I think my sessions with Dr. G have really helped me to go beyond just being selfish and learning to actually be supportive of myself. And a result of this has been that I've been feeling much more content with everything, much less lonely and disappointed. The lonliness I was feeling a short while ago, was, I think, more of a disruption of my normal routine and therefore a missing for the people I've come to surround myself with. I wasn't exactly lonely, I just missed hanging out with my friends. There's also been some recent distancing between some of my closest friends and I and I'm not sure where it came from- if it's me or them. But it sucks and I've thought about it and dwelled on it and the conclusion that I've come to is that it's just a phase and it will pass. It's happened before. Just let it run it's course. I know that I still feel the same caring for them, and as long as I remain true to the friendships, everything will be fine. But if it doesn't turn out just fine- if somehow the friendship dissolves, I kind of feel like maybe that was just the fate of it. That maybe they were meant to be in my life for a certain period of time and that time has passed.
A boy said to me once, "Nothing lasts forever, you know".
And I did know. I knew it better than anything I've ever known before.
Not to say that nothing is lasting whatsoever. Friendships can last a lifetime, but then those lives end. So once again, they can't last forever. Some are meant to last only weeks, some are meant to last years upon years. And in not knowing which version of relationship I'm in, I come to see each day and each encounter as valuable and impacting. And finite. And that's fine by me.
I think this all sounds much more depressed and angry and doomed than I meant it to. I'm actually very content and happy and happy about the people in my life. I'm not saying that I can never count on anyone for anything- I know that I have some amazingly supportive friends that I love and trust. And I can love and support them in return. But it's not a trade. It never should be seen as a two way transaction. And since really knowing and understanding that- since knowing that just because I choose to support and love someone does not guarantee a return on that, I've learned not to expect anything from them, which only leads to no possible end result of disappointment. Do you see?
Now I know narcissism isn't interchangeable with selfishness, but they are correlated in a way. I'm all about being selfish. I believe that yes, you may have supportive people in your life and the world isn't such a cut throat place, but ultimately, it is all up to you. You have to do what's best for you, because no one else will always put you first. But there's a limit to this being selfish dogma that I believe in. If it will directly hurt or in any way negatively impact or affect someone else, is it really the best thing to do? Or if making the smallest sacrifice every once in while would give someone else some kind of great joy, isn't it worth putting someone else ahead for once? Why not make that sacrifice? So recently, I've noticed that so many people in my life have gotten to where they value other people based on what they can do for them. How they can improve their image or status or how they can get them ahead. This is the phoney and superficial attitude I fled from when I left California. NY was supposed to be better than that. Where people like people because they're interesting, not because they will help increase their popularity or help bulk their myspace friends list with pretty faces and impressive network groups.
And it makes me wonder what kind of empty existence that leads to. There's a few people in my life that I've come to realize are like this and I wonder if they have any real friends. Any substantial relationships. People must transition through their lives quicker than the turnover rate at McDonalds.
And of course it seems to me like a vicious cycle. They learn that people leave and start to believe more and more that they can only rely on themselves and become detached and careless of others. And others come to see them as selfish assholes who only care about themselves and don't stick around.
It's weird too. I have recently stopped feeling let down by people. Or at least have started to feel it less. Or rather, I've come to realize that it's inevitable and most people in your life will only let you down because we expect things of them that are unfair. And you can only feel let by someone when they don't meet your expectations, and so I just have to stop expecting things from other people. I think my sessions with Dr. G have really helped me to go beyond just being selfish and learning to actually be supportive of myself. And a result of this has been that I've been feeling much more content with everything, much less lonely and disappointed. The lonliness I was feeling a short while ago, was, I think, more of a disruption of my normal routine and therefore a missing for the people I've come to surround myself with. I wasn't exactly lonely, I just missed hanging out with my friends. There's also been some recent distancing between some of my closest friends and I and I'm not sure where it came from- if it's me or them. But it sucks and I've thought about it and dwelled on it and the conclusion that I've come to is that it's just a phase and it will pass. It's happened before. Just let it run it's course. I know that I still feel the same caring for them, and as long as I remain true to the friendships, everything will be fine. But if it doesn't turn out just fine- if somehow the friendship dissolves, I kind of feel like maybe that was just the fate of it. That maybe they were meant to be in my life for a certain period of time and that time has passed.
A boy said to me once, "Nothing lasts forever, you know".
And I did know. I knew it better than anything I've ever known before.
Not to say that nothing is lasting whatsoever. Friendships can last a lifetime, but then those lives end. So once again, they can't last forever. Some are meant to last only weeks, some are meant to last years upon years. And in not knowing which version of relationship I'm in, I come to see each day and each encounter as valuable and impacting. And finite. And that's fine by me.
I think this all sounds much more depressed and angry and doomed than I meant it to. I'm actually very content and happy and happy about the people in my life. I'm not saying that I can never count on anyone for anything- I know that I have some amazingly supportive friends that I love and trust. And I can love and support them in return. But it's not a trade. It never should be seen as a two way transaction. And since really knowing and understanding that- since knowing that just because I choose to support and love someone does not guarantee a return on that, I've learned not to expect anything from them, which only leads to no possible end result of disappointment. Do you see?
posted by tiny hearted girl at 11:15 AM
1 Comments:
i'm really glad i read this one. good points.
-cb
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