so it begins

I had a tarot reading for the first time in my life last week. She said my new year didn't actually start in January. That it was starting now. Then this week, I had a breakthrough moment with my therapist: I don't have to justify my every move and ever decision to everyone all the time. This notion hit me like a ton of bricks.

Last week, I totally blew it with Eric the Cute Fun Make Out Boy. Basically, I'm insane. I think if I had this blog already, I would have avoided sending that fateful message. I could have just written it here instead. I think that after last year's Dumping by Michael, I just don't want to make myself vulnerable to anyone. I've been avoiding boys altogether since. But I finally give in and start hanging out with this guy. And then, naturally, I drove this totally great guy away. Not that I was at all worried this would turn into a boyfriend thing, but I guess I can't even handle dating? It really sucks and I'm really disappointed in myself for it. He wasn't calling me and kind of blowing me off, so guess I felt I had to brutally kill it before my ego got bruised. I guess. Lesson learned: chill out. And stop letting everyone else's nagging get to me. (FYI this is NOT me trying to justify what I did- this is just me explaining it, mostly to myself)

I almost got BFF to take me out to dinner tonight. I was so funny and charming, but he already had plans. Oh well. I'm honestly over being infatuated with him. I adore the guts out of him, but I don't get all heartbroken over him anymore and have no romantic attraction to him at all. He's a great friend to have and I'm glad we're BFF. And thank GOD he trimmed the beard. The beard is hot, just not when it's all Grizzly.

I really do want to find someone to make out with. I don't want a boyfriend- I hate boys. They're dumb. But I can't help adoring them!